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emotional rollercoaster

Working 9-5

I debated on whether or not to write this post for a while, and then I decided against it. Not because I didn’t want to share this story, but because I was trying to learn from my mistakes.

I have since changed my tune. I feel like it’s something that needs to be brought to the attention of the Internet.

During the summer, I was asked to leave my job because of something that I wrote on my blog. I took my anger and vented about coworkers and customers in a humorous fashion and I guess there were people who didn’t think it to be funny. The blog was something I never talked about at work. I never said where I worked on the blog. Someone found my blog by doing some intense stalking of me.

I’m not going to lie, it hurt. Something that I loved to do so much, had cost me my job. Apparently, freedom of speech doesn’t apply anymore. I thought it was ridiculous that they used that against me. I went into a little bit of a depression over it. I had to pick myself up and move on though. I had to find another job.

I started my new job the first week of September. I didn’t hate it, nor did I love it. About 2 weeks ago, I got a call from one of the boutique owners here in town, and they wanted to talk to me about a job interview for a shoe store they had just bought. I talked to J about it, and we both agreed that it was a better fit for us as a family and we knew I would be a lot happier there. Now.. he’s started calling me a gypsy. Comedy, I tell ya.

I finish my two week notice on Thursday and start my new job on Monday. We are pushing to get ready to move into a new space, so it’s going to be a lot of work but I am ready!! It’s a perfect fit me, y’all. The use of social media, photography, organizing.. and HELLO?! SHOES!!

Anyway, back to my original point to this post. You may not be some anonymous on the Internet. And whatever you say, can and will be used against you. It’s all about your digital foot print.. You put it out there, you better be willing to let it cost you something important in your life.

Have you ever put something out on the Internet that you wish you could take back?

Being Judged…

You never know when it will hit.

Where you might be.

But it’s always unexpected.

JUDGEMENT. 

(Scary, huh?)

You see, as moms, we worry.

Are we doing the best thing for our children? Are we teaching them the right way? Are we too hard on our kids? Should we discipline them more?

It’s a constant worry. Add working full time to that mix, and you’ve got a whole nother load of Mommy Guilt coming your way.

Who’s picking them up? Am I missing something major? Am I doing enough with them? Am I doing enough for my own sanity?

With all that worry about raising my girls to be the best they can, I tend to be a little on the vulnerable side.

I try to set aside some time for me and some time for my husband, and then rest is for the girls.

And when I am judged by what I do, it HURTS.

Add in being judged by a loved one, well… that just stepped it up a notch.

To have that person criticize the way you have chosen to bring up your kids, will cut you to the core in a way that no woman should ever know.

As if we aren’t hard enough on ourselves, we have to worry about the judgement from others.

Shouldn’t we be free from the judgement of our family and close friends?!

Is it a crime for me to want to set a good example for my children to live a healthy lifestyle by working out and eating right? What about setting goals and reaching them? Or them watching you cross the finish line of a race that you have spent the past 3 months training for? I want my girls to know that you can do anything that you set your mind to and what better way than to show them?

Can we stop the judgement? Can we put away the need to put others down for not doing things the way we would do them?

It’s time, ladies.

 

Irritable.

Y’all. I don’t normally blog on Saturdays, but I’ve got my cranky pants on. If I am being honest, they’ve been on since Thursday.

I keep trying to be all, “Rach, WHY are you cranky? You should fix whatever it is, so you can be your regular sarcastic self, instead of a bitch from Hell.”

Let’s have a look at all the things that are currently stuck in my craw.

1. The kids fighting. Addison back talking. Addison not listening. I was forced to take all enjoyable things away from her last night like her ipod touch, her tv privileges, and her coloring privileges. (If we are being honest, I thought she was going to shoot daggers out of her eye balls for that last one. It came to me as a last minute stroke of genius.)

2. I’m still greatly irritated by the punks who got in our cars and stole J’s wallet and my ipod. RUDE. Karma will come back and bite you.

3. I’m irritated with running. Specifically, why isn’t it easier? I just want to be fast without putting in any work. Is that too much to ask?!

4. I’m also irritated with my nostril/sinuses. I gracefully sucked half of the pool into my right nostril this week swimming, and while you’d think a nice chlorine sinus cleaning would help, it just in fact, causes that sinus to drain continuously, which means you get ZERO sleep because you cannot breathe.

5. Addison did NOT get into the school that J camped out overnight for. Therefore, we are forced to send her to private school. I would rather cut off my right arm than send her to the school we are zoned for.

6. The fact I got up at 5:15 to go run the Midnight Run course to see if I could run it under 30 minutes. (Okay, that part doesn’t irritate me.) But, I passed a lady. AND. FELT. BAD. ABOUT. IT. WHAT?!? That is the exact opposite of being a competitive runner. Which, I think we all know, that I am not. I don’t want running to hurt. Too bad it does. And I finished it in 30:50. UGH.

7. Same lady I passed, while I was stretching, came up and said something about me cutting off one of the turns. (Apparently, I took a turn early, following my path back.) I didn’t know I did this. My distance was the same, but it made me miss a small hill (the course is quite hilly, anyway!) She must have made the comment 10 times, which made her little running buddies also say something about it. Geez, people. Does it really matter?! It’s the same damn distance. Get over yourself. I would have said something, but these people were a good bit older than me. Sometimes I wish I weren’t brought up in the South.. all those manners.

8. I’m still jacked that I planned to go to spin on Thursday, thinking it started at 6, and it actually started at 5:30. Therefore, I was forced to run on a treadmill. When, I didn’t want to run at all. I wanted to spin.

9. THIS.

Zac. I thought you were my boyfriend. This is not okay. We only wear Crimson. Well, generally, you aren’t supposed to wear shirts, but this is just unacceptable.

Source: justjared.com via Rachel on Pinterest

Help me, people. What the crap is wrong with me?!

Tuesday Tangents

I seem to be noticing a trend here… oh my tangent-like blog posts.. I sure hope you enjoy them!

The past 7 days have been a little cray cray for Ray Ray..

We’ve had some family drama (keep it us in your prayers and good thoughts, I’d go into it on the blog, but don’t want to make anyone mad)

Hubs went out of town for the weekend leaving me with both girls, which we were going to have a girls weekend, but then I ended up getting a RIGHTEOUS head cold. I thought my eyes were going to bulge out of my head.

I took Claire to the ENT, he thinks he snotty nose is just from allergies, so she is now on Singulair and a nice nasal swab to help clear it up. We go back next week for further evaluation.

I’ve been working on some new crafty projects, that I plan to share with you in the coming days.

We found out that my Brother in law and sister in law are going to have a baby GIRL! Yay! I have a feeling this one will be another ginger…

I had to run a long run with my head cold… 6 miles. It got easier after 3.5 but it was tough mentally.

I awoke Monday to images of this on my computer screen:

A tornado hit where I grew up. So scary. I’ve talked to my step-mom briefly, she is okay, can’t get out of the neighborhood- they’ve got everything blocked off. I’ve heard there was damage to my elementary school, but I am not sure of the extent. My dad was in Little Rock and is on his way home. Basically, all of my dad’s family lives in either Center Point, Pinson, or Trussville and those areas were hit. My aunt and uncle and cousin live in the neighborhood where that 16 year old girl was killed. They are fine and don’t have any damage. SO thankful that all of my family is okay! On top of that, before the tornado hit, my grandmother fell trying to get into bed and was admitted to the hospital.

Also, Brighthouse- stop sending me e-mails. If I wanted a picture of me doing this, I would have ordered it already.

Emotional Rollercoaster

I realize that people are probably tired of hearing about the tornadoes, but it’s all that I think about.
I have been having bad dreams, not sleeping well, and generally in a funk. I am so thankful that everyone I know was safe, but it’s so hard to see the devastation around us. A high school friend’s house was destroyed.. so many of my own memories in that house. :(  
The town has really pulled together. I think most people have power. But businesses destroyed. Homes destroyed. It’s so easy for me not to want to leave the comfort of my cocoon. I have power. Internet. A house. 
I have been on an emotional rollercoaster in the past 2 weeks… thankful. nostalgic… and angry. Angry at people living their own lives. Tweeting about going to Starbucks or shopping. Do they not know what I see on a daily basis? People trying to pick up the pieces, literally, of their lives and businesses and churches. It’s a complete culture shock. I was so angry for a while about everything. Not about what happened, but how people reacted. 
But I have been on that other end of the stick. “Will they not stop talking about Katrina?” Or even now, I am guilty. I have power and internet, so I am back living my life. Like nothing’s changed. 
I hate going into town and seeing what has been destroyed. It’s all Addison will talk about. “Look at that damage, Mama. Look at what that mean ol’ tornado did. I am so mad at that tornado- someone needs to kick it’s hiney.” And I’ve even heard, “I don’t want that tornado to eat me. I am scared of tornadoes.” And she keeps asking where so and so’s safe place was. It’s too much. My baby shouldn’t have to worry about things like this. 
It’s time like these that I am so proud to be from a place like this. People helping people. It’s what we should do. Not judge others, but offer a helping hand to those who need it. 
School started back today. I am hoping for more and more normalcy around here. I know we could all use it. 
I am ready for the healing and rebuilding process. I am trying to work on my emotions and get back to a happier place.. one that involves fashion posts and running. :)  

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