It’s official. I am in a training funk. I’ve been trying to keep on keepin’ on and push through and hope that helps. It hasn’t. I’ve continued to race and sign up for races and hope I get excited about it. I haven’t. I’ve allowed myself to make excuses to skip runs. Sure, my runs mostly stink now because it’s so dang hot and humid outside. But guess what? Today is the first official day of Summer, so I have a lot more heat in my future.
I signed up for two more triathlons this week. One in July and another in August… the one in August being an Olympic distance. And then I wrote out my training plan for them and saw the work for the Olympic distance, and well, I am scared. It’s a LOT of training. A LOT of Two-A-Day’s. It has me wanting to crawl in my bed and curl up the The Game of Thrones.
Are you watching that? Holy cow. We are on season 2 and it is amazing. PLEASE NO SPOILER ALERTS!
Anyway.. I got sidetracked. Basically, I am in a funk and don’t know what to do to get out. I feel like I’ve lost my training and distance and speed. I know that training in the heat will make your endurance better, but geez. It REALLY sucks.
And just maybe coming off of the big trip has me in a state of depression. The lack of buffet like qualities and multiple desserts in my house is enough to make anyone have the sads.
I know I’m not drinking enough water, so that could be a factor. Or maybe it’s my crap eating habits that are catching up with me. Because I eat like a toddler and not near enough.
Basically, I’m having a pity party. If you have any suggestions for how to snap out of this, I am all ears.
Am I the only one that gets in these funks? How do you get out of them?
I’ve hinted at this story before.
Once all of the reports of all of the crazy stories on cruise ships starting hitting the news stations, I knew it was time to re-visit it for the Interwebz. I must apologize in advance for the lack of pictures, once you read the story, you will understand why.
I feel like I should give you some background story. About 6 weeks after I had Addison, John’s family decided to start planning a family vacation. They wanted to go on a cruise. Well, I am generally not a fan of cruises. I think everyone should go on at least one, but it’s not how I would choose to vacation.
Being a new mommy, I couldn’t possibly fathom leaving my child to go out of the country for a week and be out of touch from the world. I mean, this little bundle depended on me to care, love, feed, and nurture it, right? So, I insisted she go.
The family told me no, but ultimately, I won that battle. So, a year later, 16 month old Addison set sail on her very first cruise. Did I mention that this was the week before Christmas? No. Okay. Are you ready? Here we go…
Addy fell in love with this big red dog.
Moving on… part of the awesomeness of this family vacation was, we were all going to stay in the pimp daddy Presidential Suite on the back of the boat. All 8 of us. 1700 square feet. Dining room. 2 Master Suites. A hot tub. Wet bar. and an 1100 square foot private deck. Oh? And our view? Was off the back of the ship. It was an amazing room. It had the potential to be a vacation that was talked about in years to come.
Our first night at dinner… it was a dress up night. Look how sweet and cute little Addy was!! Oh, what a beautiful dress.
Joseph and Tracie
The first night, Addison threw up a little bit. I figured it was seasickness. The second day, was our first day at sea, we played on the balcony, sat in the hot tub, etc.
Now, I don’t think I’ve talked much about the fact that John battled panic attacks in previous years, but this was right smack in the middle of some of the worst of it. On the second night on the ship, he ended up getting very sick. The 3rd day, we were in port at Grand Cayman. John wanted to go to infirmary, because he thought he needed fluids. I agreed to go with him, just trying to pacify him with his increasing panic.
They said he was dehydrated, needed some IV fluids and they were going to run some tests. I remember curling up on one of those cots and taking a nap. When I woke up, I didn’t feel as chipper as I thought I should, and the doctors informed us that John had the Noro Virus. They gave the option to be flown by helicopter back to the United States or we could be quarantined to our room… EVERYONE in our room had to be quarantined. For at least 48 hours of the last person being sick. They told us that it was highly contagious. Now, maybe you are wondering what the Noro Virus is? Well, simply. YOU WANT TO DIE. It is intense abdominal cramps, vomiting, diarrhea, all while wishing the end of the world would come so you didn’t have to endure it any longer. Since we were in port that day, John’s brothers refused to come back to the room because they knew they were quarantined once they did. They stayed out all day.
He felt better after some fluids!
Sweet little Addy
Right after this picture was taken, I went down. I can remember actually calling my mom and telling her I just wanted to die on American soil. Without going into extremely gross details, just know that the sickness is INTENSE. And at times, completely uncontrollable.
With the entire room unable to leave, they brought us food, drink, took our clothes to the laundry, and cleaned the room twice a day. They even had a concierge go out a shop for my mother-in-law at one of the stops we missed. On lobster night? We ordered 12 lobsters… no one ate them, but they were there. They were very accommodating to the sickies. But still, we were sick, trapped on moving vessel at sea. Slowly, every single one of us went down. Maybe you’re thinking, “48 hours of sickness doesn’t sound that intense.” Let me assure you, the effects of this sickness lasted for over 2 weeks. You felt like you had been beaten with a baseball bat and then run over by a Mack truck for TWO WEEKS.
The one stop we did get off on was at Cozumel.
And we ran into these guys. Don’t know who they are? Well, they are Nelson. The amazing twin duo from the early 90′s. I was obsessed back then. I was equally as starstuck as an adult.. they were my first concert and I talked to them for forever about it.
Nelson was the on ship entertainment. They even pointed me out in the audience and told my story. Yep. Childhood dream came true!!!
I have never been happier to see the city of Miami, and get back onto dry land. Maybe you think the story ends there? Nope. You would be wrong. You know how at Christmas time you run from family gathering to family gathering? Well, that’s what we did. And what happened, we couldn’t have predicted. You see, with the Noro Virus, we learned, that you have a carrier. One who really doesn’t ever show the same symptoms. That person was Addison. So, at every gathering, Addison infected everyone. My aunts house. Both sets of parents. My grandmother, who took it back to her nursing home and passed it around. Several of them ended up in the hospital from dehydration. The week after Christmas, we saw where an entire town in Europe was infected with it.
So, my advice to anyone going on a cruise is to WASH YOUR HANDS. Seriously. You do NOT want this mess. This story is the reason that children are no longer invited or welcome on J’s family vacations.
It has only taken 5 1/2 years for me to be convinced to go on another cruise. We set sail this summer on the Allure of the Seas. And you can best bet, we are staying in separate rooms!
I feel like it’s been a while since I have been REAL. You know, really real? Something has been stuck in my head for a while now. Meghan made the comment to me several weeks ago telling me what a rockstar I am for all that I do– running, blogging, working full time, raising a family, etc etc.. and I’ll be honest. I don’t feel like a rockstar at all. Most days, I go to bed thinking of all the tasks I didn’t complete and how I didn’t make the most of my time. How I let my ADD (yes. I have that if you haven’t caught on.) get the best of me and become distracted from the task at hand.
I am currently drowning in blog posts that I need to write, and I sit down and have no desire to do them. My house stays in a constant state of disaster. The laundry is never ending. Those things stress me out to no end. Clutter makes me feel claustrophobic. Claustrophobia will send me in a straight up panic attack. I feel guilty for not putting enough time in my training. But then I feel guilty for not spending enough time with the girls when I train.
Monday night, I skipped my workout to cook dinner because John asked me to. It took me an hour and a half to cook. Then, the girls wouldn’t eat half of what I fixed. To top it off, I tripped over a groceries that have been sitting in my kitchen floor for TWO WEEKS. I completely lost all coping mechanisms and just flipped out on everyone. It took me 45 minutes to clean up the kitchen by myself, because let’s be real, NO ONE wants to be trapped in a small area with someone who is currently going bat shit crazy and throwing pots and pans around.
I know I have to trim the fat on my life, but what or where? It’s hard to cut out those things that once brought you joy.
For Mother’s Day, I received a manicure and pedicure already set up with an appointment for my day off this week with my best friend. (Yes, our husbands coordinated it. It’s okay to be a little jealous.) She asked me if I wanted to go to lunch after. Of course I do. That’s something we NEVER do. But I hesitate because I have so much shit to do at home. None of it is pressing, but I am so tired of it needing to get done.
Basically, I feel like I am just treading water to keep my head above water. My brain is fried on all things. I feel like I am currently half ass doing everything that needs to get done and not putting 100% towards any one thing.
So, if you have suggestions for how I can make better use of my time or perhaps you are on the up and up on that cloning technology, I am all ears.
What do you struggle with?
We all have those days, right? Where our kids are absolutely driving us insane. The days that you want to hide in the bathroom with your iPhone and a bag of chocolate just so you can play on Twitter and Pinterest? No? Don’t tell me it’s just me…
Anyway. See that adorable little girl? Well.. she is trying my patience. And if either of us live for her to see 18, it’ll be nothing short of a miracle. She argues. She back talks. She does what she wants even after being told no. I’ve taken away iPads, tv shows, even getting a vote on dinner. Her attitude is getting better, but the general arguing.. it’s enough to drive you to drink. But let’s be real… in a battle of wills… I will always come out the victor. I basically invented the game of being stubborn. So, my M.O. has been to stay on top of her attitude. Constant correcting. Which means.. I feel like I’m constantly yelling at her. That I never say a kind word to her. That I am over her shoulder telling her what a crappy job she is doing. (Okay. Not LITERALLY that last one.. but it sure starts to feel that way.)
John says, “You just need to calm down with her.” Me: “But she just doesn’t LISTEN to me.”
Prime Example: Easter morning. Girls come into our bedroom, I am (TMI coming) peeing in the bathroom, and ask Addy if the Easter bunny left anything. She obviously has forgotten that part of Easter, and her eyes light up. I said, “go stand by the bed with Daddy and we will all go look together in just a minute.” I come out of the bathroom. John is on his iPad with Claire laying next to him… no Addison. Me: “Where’s Addison?” J: “uhhhh.. *he yells* Addison!” She comes running in. At this point, in my pre-caffeinated state, I completely lose it. I start yelling, “I told you to come in here and stand by the bed for 2 seconds! Why couldn’t you wait?! Did you hear me say that?!?!” Yes, she responds. So, I spanked her. (GASP. Yes. I spank my children.) I was just appalled that I had to spank her BEFORE we’d even had a chance to look for the Easter baskets. It was the same ol’ song and dance through getting ready, going to church, and getting through the traditional Easter pictures.
I was exhausted by the time lunch came around.
Then, Sunday night, I was reading on her iPad, and I got started talking to John and scrolling through her pictures on there. You see, she loves to take pictures of herself and especially video.. mostly How To videos… much like you would see on YouTube.. obviously my daughter is a vlogger in the making. But as I was watching her little videos, I heard myself SCREAMING at her in the background. She obviously was NOT putting on her shoes like I was asking… so, yes. I was right (Aha!). But I was absolutely horrified. Is that what she hears out of me? The next video.. while I am not screaming, I am not being very nice. I know I was in a hurry and needed them to hurry.. but they didn’t know that.
After watching those videos, Hubs turned to me and said, ” This is not the relationship you want with her. You have to change the way you react.”
So, I have been fighting every fiber in my being this week and trying a more mellow approach to my eldest.. I’m still correcting what she does wrong or when she misbehaves.. just a little less high pitched version. I don’t want her to tune me out. I want to have a good relationship with her. But I also want her to have manners and be kind. Sometimes, I need to remember that she is just 6 years old and not 16, like she wishes. She is still a child and should be allowed to be a child. There has been less drama with her, and I think she’s been a little kinder to her little sister… so. We shall see where this takes us.
I have had a few WTF motherhood moments this week…
Monday, my mom picked the girls up and took them to Chick fil A for a snack and to play. Turns out that Addy KISSED a BOY on the playground. She doesn’t even know his name. Never seen him before. Ummm.. WHAT?! This proves to be a problem for the future and I am going to need some Xanax for it.
I finally got Buddy the Elf out on Monday night. I was so proud that he decorated the girls pink Christmas tree.
He was out for all of 30 minutes before Claire comes to tell me that Addy touched him. Well, the elf loses his magic if that happens. Addy is telling me she didn’t touch him and Claire is saying she did. Given Addy’s history of lying, I am not believing her. I try to explain to her that Buddy can’t get back to Santa if he loses his magic… nothing. I am so put out when it’s time to leave for school. Then? I find this:
This is not mine. I start questioning the girls since it was on the bench that their school bags were on. Addy says it doesn’t belong to her. Claire says Addy took it from mom’s. So I ask Mom if she has seen it. Nope. I ask John. Nope.
So, in an effort to inspire their conscious, Buddy doesn’t move Monday night. Tuesday morning, I question the girls again. Still standing firm with their answers.
Addy gets a little ‘tude with me and Redneck Mommy came out. But you know what? She scared the crap out of the reds and I got some answers.
Turns out, Claire was lying. Addy *almost* touched Buddy. I made C apologize to Addy. Also? Claire stole the ring from her teacher. SERIOUSLY?! So, I made her apologize to Addy again. Then, I apologized to Addy for not believing her.
Man, motherhood is hard sometimes.
Also? That creepy elf needs an instruction manual for when things pop up that I have no clue how to answer. I’m not the best with lying and when Addy pips up with “You tricked us! You decorated the tree!!” I start stuttering and looking around for someone to throw me a life raft.
Y’all. I don’t normally blog on Saturdays, but I’ve got my cranky pants on. If I am being honest, they’ve been on since Thursday.
I keep trying to be all, “Rach, WHY are you cranky? You should fix whatever it is, so you can be your regular sarcastic self, instead of a bitch from Hell.”
Let’s have a look at all the things that are currently stuck in my craw.
1. The kids fighting. Addison back talking. Addison not listening. I was forced to take all enjoyable things away from her last night like her ipod touch, her tv privileges, and her coloring privileges. (If we are being honest, I thought she was going to shoot daggers out of her eye balls for that last one. It came to me as a last minute stroke of genius.)
2. I’m still greatly irritated by the punks who got in our cars and stole J’s wallet and my ipod. RUDE. Karma will come back and bite you.
3. I’m irritated with running. Specifically, why isn’t it easier? I just want to be fast without putting in any work. Is that too much to ask?!
4. I’m also irritated with my nostril/sinuses. I gracefully sucked half of the pool into my right nostril this week swimming, and while you’d think a nice chlorine sinus cleaning would help, it just in fact, causes that sinus to drain continuously, which means you get ZERO sleep because you cannot breathe.
5. Addison did NOT get into the school that J camped out overnight for. Therefore, we are forced to send her to private school. I would rather cut off my right arm than send her to the school we are zoned for.
6. The fact I got up at 5:15 to go run the Midnight Run course to see if I could run it under 30 minutes. (Okay, that part doesn’t irritate me.) But, I passed a lady. AND. FELT. BAD. ABOUT. IT. WHAT?!? That is the exact opposite of being a competitive runner. Which, I think we all know, that I am not. I don’t want running to hurt. Too bad it does. And I finished it in 30:50. UGH.
7. Same lady I passed, while I was stretching, came up and said something about me cutting off one of the turns. (Apparently, I took a turn early, following my path back.) I didn’t know I did this. My distance was the same, but it made me miss a small hill (the course is quite hilly, anyway!) She must have made the comment 10 times, which made her little running buddies also say something about it. Geez, people. Does it really matter?! It’s the same damn distance. Get over yourself. I would have said something, but these people were a good bit older than me. Sometimes I wish I weren’t brought up in the South.. all those manners.
8. I’m still jacked that I planned to go to spin on Thursday, thinking it started at 6, and it actually started at 5:30. Therefore, I was forced to run on a treadmill. When, I didn’t want to run at all. I wanted to spin.
Zac. I thought you were my boyfriend. This is not okay. We only wear Crimson. Well, generally, you aren’t supposed to wear shirts, but this is just unacceptable.
Help me, people. What the crap is wrong with me?!
While I am not showing you all 99.. I am showing you a few of the gems we have. This is why you hire a professional people! Which is what I really need to do. But I am stubborn.
|This is just a Hot Mess.|
|John is giving the air gun to someone…|
|Could have been cute if it weren’t for those stupid glasses.|
|Claire has found a present for you.|
|C is frightened by how horrific this is turning out.|
|Addy is clearly over this. And John is about to blow a gasket|
|Who are these kids?!!?|
|Clearly I am arguing with Addy about her pink camera. John looks more like a Blues Brother than Clark Kent|
|Oh What’s that, Rachel? You smelled a fart?|
|John says it looks like I have scoop like Lois Lane.. I think I am smelling more farts.|